Stars: Lance Henriksen, Gary Stretch, James Russo, Katherine Randolph | Written by Roel Reine, Ethan Wiley | Directed by Roel Reine

When the SS Lane Victory, reactivated and deployed in the Persian Gulf for black-op interrogations, falls radio silent, an elite Marine task force are sent to apprehend the terrorists. Led by Col. John Willets (Henriksen), the team find one survivor, John’s son Colin (Stretch). But as the soldiers search for the men responsible for the bloody butchery of the ship’s crew, they soon discover a more devious enemy than any of them had ever imagined and all hell breaks loose as they become locked in brutal battle to the death.

A more devious enemy than any of them had ever imagined eh? Sounds like this film… Originally titled Deadwater, then Black Ops and now premiering on UK DVD as Nazi Dawn this film was purportedly written and shot in less than a week after the ship became available to the producers – and it shows!

Written by Roel Reine and Ethan Wiley, who were responsible for the more recent, and much better, military action flick The Marine 2, Nazi Dawn commits the ultimate cinematic sin – it’s just dull. So dull in fact, that even the usually dependable Lance Henriksen cannot save the film from the depths of mediocrity. The script is dull, the action is dull, even the ghostly plot is dull. Admittedly Roel Reine’s direction does build some atmosphere – largely thanks to the already creepy military vessel in which the film is set, but not enough for me to recommend this movie.

As with many DTV horrors, the filmmakers throw everything at the screen in the hope that something sticks – Nazi’s, nudity, gore and more – but to no avail. As the saying goes, you can’t polish a turd; and you sure can’t hide a bad film under a layer of gore and nudity. Actually, come to think about it, you can. Only director Reine seems unable. Sadly for Reine, Nazi Dawn is not even enjoyable on a “so bad it’s good” level – it’s just plain bad.

Nazi Dawn is one for Henriksen completists (and masochists) only…

Stars (the voices of): Ewan McGregor, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Timothy Spall, Alan Cumming, Stephen Merchant, Sanjeev Bhaskar | Written and Directed by Edward & Rory McHenry

The simplest way to describe Jackboots on Whitehall is as a World War 2 Team America. Set in an alternate history where the English soldiers have not been rescued at Dunkirk and taking its cues from the comic book heroes of the era, Jackboots is an anarchic comedy that proves very hard to dislike.

After losing their land and air forces, England is invaded by the Nazis, led by the high camp trio of Goebbels, Himmler and Goering, when they tunnel under the channel and emerge in Trafalgar Square, with an aim to capture Winston Churchill and put him in a cage. Clearly realism, sensitivity and political correctness were far from the top of the priority list. It’s left to simple farm boy Christopher, rejected by the army because his hands are too big (ahem), to save the Prime Minister and fight off the invasion. He rallies the inhabitants of his sleepy Kentish town, including the charming Daisy, her psychotic father and local reverend, a swarthy French resistance fighter and a misguided American fighter pilot, who is convinced that they’re fighting commie Ruskies. Together, they join the fight to save England.

The cast list is impressive. Lending their voices are none other than Ewan McGregor, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Timothy Spall, Alan Cumming, Stephen Merchant and Sanjeev Bhaskar, to name a few. The film is also shot surprisingly well, with some very nice aerial photography over the carefully constructed sets. The puppets are well done, though those based on actual historical figures (Churchill, Goebbels, et al) are somewhat superior to the fictional characters. The caricatures owe a lot to the likes of Spitting Image and really are very good, even if Goebbels is almost nauseatingly disturbing to look at.

It is of course the film’s humour that it hopes to trade on. Much of it is very funny, if rather juvenile. There are several instances of razor sharp satire, interspersed with very broad and blunt comic assaults. The laugh rate, however, isn’t quite as high as it needs to be, though, to come off favourably in the inevitable comparisons to Team America the film will receive.  Edward and Rory McHenry (who also wrote the film and were heavily involved with the production design) direct the film pretty well, especially for such an unorthodox feature debut. I would suggest that the pace of the editing could have been picked up in places and some scenes felt a little like filler, however.

Despite its numerous flaws, though, I loved Jackboots. I found myself grinning all the way through and was even a little stirred at times (but then, who isn’t by a rousing chorus of Jerusalem, even when sung by puppets?). Jackboots on Whitehall may not quite make it onto any best films of the year lists, but it should at least go down as one of the most memorable.

Here is my review of this week’s Warehouse 13! (Warning: A few geek references ahead)

The Plot: 9.2 out of 10
Russians, Artifacts and espionage, oh my! A lot of stuff going on in this episode, A look into Artie’s past, Some revelations surrounding Todd and a major leap forward in H.G. Wells story arc all wrapped up in some previously important characters biting the big one. The episode clips along at a good pace and keeps you wondering from one minute to the next. We also get to take a small look into the enigmatic workings of the Regent hierarchy towards the end of the episode. Speaking of the Regent hierarchy, It’s getting to the point where it’s getting ALMOST as convoluted as a Hideo Kojima sequel. Hell, After this episode I can totally see Artie donning an eye-patch and going CQC on somebody’s ass. One hiccup in the episode is the short stalking scene, That’s right, “Stalking” scene. I go into this in further depth in the acting section, But let me just say, I’ve had better stalkers that aren’t nearly as smart as Claudia Donovan is supposed to be. All in all, The episode stands out when compared to episodes earlier in the season, Expect to see more episodes like this as the season closes!

The Acting: 9.8 out of 10
I honestly didn’t think we would see much from Jaime Murray in way of notable acting (Mostly due to the fact I’ve never seen her work), But I can safely say that she was a good choice for the casting of H.G. Wells and hopefully, After the events of this episode, she’ll stick around for a while. There are many good things I could mention about Allison Scagliotti’s acting this time around… Her stalking skills are not one of them. I’m sure that scene was just for laughs, But it made her look incredibly inept and really came across as a ploy for cheap laughs. (Although, She made up for it when she produced that epic amount of dox on Todd) Eddie and Joanne had a solid performance, So much in fact it’s getting hard to find something to critique, The same goes for Saul Rubinek. Oh, And did I mention Tia Carrere? Unfortunately we didn’t get to see a rendition of Ballroom blitz nor a Scooby-doo ending…. Bummer. In total the episode boasts some solid acting, There may be a few stutters here and there, But you’ll most likely never notice.

The Sets & Locations: 9 out of 10
Aside from the usual locales, The team did a great job in turning downtown Toronto into Moscow, Russia. That earns this episode a solid nine.

The Music: 10 out of 10
Two great tracks were used in the “Stalking” and “Park” scenes. All we can hope for now is that SyFy decides to spend a little cash to have these tracks included in the DVDs when the arrive. That’s right SyFy, I haven’t forgotten!

The CG: 8 out of 10
Once again, Good CG all throughout the episode. So far this season’s SFX team has really made up for the Escher Vault debacle.

Overall Score: 9.2 out of 10
Really pushing all of the story arcs forward, This episode is a crucial turning point on the path to the season finale. Great acting, Good action and a few twists and turns lend this episode the status of “must watch”.

Stars: Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Christina Applegate | Written by Geoff LaTulippe | Directed by Nanette Burstein

Half-decent romantic comedies seem few and far between these days. Recent pictures such as The Proposal, The Ugly Truth, Leap Year, Valentine’s Day, The Bounty Hunter and The Back-Up Plan have all been criticised with such derision as to beggar belief. Which is unfortunate, as there have been more than a few thoroughly enjoyable rom-coms over the years; take Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones’ Diary and There’s Something about Mary for instance. The genre, like so many of its protagonists in their second acts, is going through a rough patch. Is Going the Distance the film to change this?

Erin (Drew Barrymore) and Garret (Justin Long) meet in New York and get together after a night of booze, marijuana and chicken wings and despite both having really awful names. Erin is in the city as a summer intern with a newspaper she desperately wants to write for and will be leaving for San Francisco in six weeks. As such, they decide to keep their fling casual but, of course, they fall in love and decide to maintain a long distance relationship.

Anyone who has been in a long distance relationship themselves will sympathise with the couple’s trials and tribulations as Barrymore and Long try to work around the singular difficulty of being in a close relationship with someone you are by no means physically close to. Apparently an on/off couple in real life, the leading actors are convincing in their roles both individually and together. Barrymore exudes charisma as always and Long is surprisingly watchable even when he’s not having wrenches hurled at his body. The supporting cast are also decent; Christina Applegate amuses as Barrymore’s intimidating older sister, as do funnymen Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day as Long’s best friends.

Nanette Burstein brings her previous work experience as a documentary film-maker into her first feature film, although the visual style is ultimately a little inconsistent. Apparently improvisation was also encouraged on set, but again, the results are hit and miss. There’s a lot of amusing dialogue, but few if any belly laughs. The film lacks punch lines – like Barrymore and Long’s ill-fated attempt at phone sex, there’s a lot of funny foreplay but no comedic climaxes. The dialogue is also occasionally somewhat stilted; as if the actors are not quite sure what to do with the freedom they’ve been given.

That said, I just about enjoyed the film despite its flaws. I imagine that the original script was initially written with slightly younger actors in the lead roles (Erin and Garret are in their early/mid—thirties) but the film works in spite of this – I could just about accept that Barrymore is still at university. In fact, that the characters are in their thirties adds to the weight of their decisions and how they affect each others’ lives, which was welcome.

The film felt like a reasonably refreshing change from what has become the rom-com norm – characters and situations are dealt with more seriously and intelligently than in recent fare and situations never become ludicrous or unbelievable. It only really lacks for a few more laughs. Going the Distance gets the rom just right, but really needs a lot more com.

Stars: Masato Hyûgaji, Takafumi Imai, Kenta Itogi, Shinwa Kataoka | Written and Directed by Yohei Fukuda

For high schooler Fujiwara, everything in life seems to be going according to plan. He’s good-looking, popular, doing well in his studies and, most importantly, is a good fighter and is therefore able to avoid the attentions of any bullies looking for trouble. His idyll suddenly ends, however, when he is unexpectedly attacked by a group of fellow students, seemingly without any provocation. His investigation into the attack leads him to the discovery of a series of underground websites linking to known social networking sites and to a mysterious and very violent game that is being spread through the students’ mobile phone networks. Forced against his will to join in the game in order to prevent his deepest and darkest personal secret from being revealed to the entire school, Fujiwara becomes a key part of a puzzle that is becoming deadlier by the hour. Soon, he is involved in a fight for his life for reasons still unknown to him. But the terrifying truth is about to be revealed.

Tokyo Gore School comes from Yohei Fukuda, director of the video game adaptation Chanbara Beauty and the controversial, and banned in the UK, Grotesque. Taking the same themes as seen in the more successful Battle Royale, the film tackles the “ripped-from-the -headlines” subjects of bullying: both in school and online, teen violence, and the internets impact on social behaviour – only it does so in the most dullest of ways.

Let’s get this out of the way first, don’t expect any gore from Tokyo Gore School – at least not in the levels the title suggests. Instead the film is filled with numerous badly acted and badly choreographed fights that fail to excite on any level, with a smattering of blood here and there. And that’s the problem with the entire film, there’s no way for director Fukuda to generate any sort of excitement (even though he tries hard in the risible fight scenes) because there’s no one to care about throughout the films short running time.

With no character development, at least not until the films denouement – and by then it’s much too late – we instead follow a one-dimensional high school bully turned philosopher turned game player as he takes on other opponents throughout Tokyo. This really is the type of film that could have done with the kind of OTT bloodthirsty behaviour that we saw in Battle Royale – sadly it doesn’t and that’s why Tokyo Gore School falls completely flat…

Stars: John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei, Catherine Keener, Matt Walsh, Michael Costigan | Written and Directed by Jay Duplass and Mark Duplass

With John’s social life at a standstill and his ex-wife about to get remarried, a down on his luck divorcee finally meets the woman of his dreams, only to discover she has another man in her life – her son.

Written and directed by Jay & Mark Duplass, the iconoclastic filmmaking team behind Sundance Film Festival favorite The Puffy Chair, Cyrus takes an insightful, funny and sometimes heartbreaking look at love and family in contemporary Los Angeles.

Playing somewhat as a slightly more dramatic and heartfelt version of Reilly’s previous film Step Brothers, Cyrus sees Reilly battle in much the same fashion as that film, only this time with Superbad’s Jonah Hill – playing Marisa Tomei’s 22 year old live-at-home-son that doesn’t want Reilly for a step dad! If you loved Step Brothers then you’ll most definitely love this film.

Despite it’s “mumblecore” leanings, Cyrus is a movie that most people can relate to, for me I could relate to Cyrus (Hill) as I have pulled some tricks on my mothers boyfriends so they would go, but this movie shows the complicated relationships from all angles – from Cyrus’s view of his mum falling in love with another man and that he isn’t her main man anymore and John’s view of dealing with a son who hates you for dating his mum; and Molly’s view, having to choose her son or the guy she has come to love.

You too can see which character you relate to when Cyrus is released in cinemas on September 10th 2010

Click here to view the embedded video.

Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Robert Paterson, Jose Luis Garcia Perez, Stephen Tobolowsky | Written by Chris Sparling | Directed by Rodrigo Cortés

Paul Conroy is not ready to die. But when he wakes up 6 feet underground with no idea of who put him there or why, life for the truck driver and family man instantly becomes a hellish struggle for survival. Buried with only a cell phone and a lighter, his contact with the outside world and ability to piece together clues that could help him discover his location are maddeningly limited. Poor reception, a rapidly draining battery, and a dwindling oxygen supply become his worst enemies in a tightly confined race against time. Fighting panic, despair, and delirium, Paul has only 90 minutes to be rescued before his worst nightmare comes true.

Buried is one of those rare cinematic gems – a simple concept executed to perfection, central to which is a one man tour-de-force performance from actor Ryan Reynolds. The concept? Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes. That’s it. But what a 90 minutes! Director Rodrigo Cortés has come out of nowhere to deliver one of the most startling debuts I have ever had the immense pleasure of watching.

I’ll admit that when I first heard the premise of Buried I instantly thought of Phone Booth, but I needn’t have worried. Despite sharing a similar premise, Buried is light years away from Phone Booth in terms of script, direction, acting… you get the picture. But you know what really makes the film? Ryan Reynolds. Giving a note-perfect performance, and one that I never expected, the normally comedic and wise-cracking Reynolds runs the full breadth of emotions – joy, anger, sadness, despair – and yes, he still manages the odd quip. It’s a superb portrayal of a man trapped in a situation over which he has no control, and a performance that I would most definitely deem oscar-worthy.

By the time audiences reach the will-they-won’t-they ending they’ll no doubt be as exhausted as Reynolds on-screen character. And it’s the ending which will divide viewers – some, like myself, will praise Cortés’ choice of ending and others will most certainly decry what occurs on screen.

I don’t say this about many films, but Buried is an unmissable film – make sure you see it when it opens in UK cinemas on September 29th.

Stars: Sarah Butler, Daniel Franzese, Chad Lindberg, Rodney Eastman, Tracey Walter | Written by Stuart Morse | Directed by Steven R. Monroe

Do I really need to give you a synopsis of the film? Really? Surely everyone knows the story of the infamous I Spit On You Grave by now? Well, for those that don’t:

When writer Jennifer Hills retreats to a charming cabin in the woods to start her next book, her presence in the small town attracts unwanted redneck attention. Intending to teach the city girl a lesson, they break into her cabin to scare her. However, what starts out as terrifying acts of humiliation, uncontrollably escalates into a night of abusive assault. Before they can kill her though, Jennifer sacrifices her broken, beaten body to a raging river and eventually the men stop searching for her. But against all odds Jennifer survives her ordeal and intends to turn the tables on her tormentors, inflicting upon them every horrifying torture they carried out on her… only far worse.

This remake, of what is still considered one of the most controversial movies of the 70’s and 80’s – especially here in the UK where it’s was part of the video nasties scandal of 1984 – manages to do what very little remakes ever do… improve upon the original. On a par with the Last House on the Left remake of 2009 (which I consider one of the best modern horror remakes), I Spit On Your Grave takes the same basic rape/revenge tale of Meir Zarchi’s original and adds a moral ambiguity that should leave audiences questioning there “enjoyment” of the horrors within the film.

The first hour of Monroe’s remake is grim, very grim. And if you’ve seen the original film, very tense – knowing what will happen to Jennifer and how that played out in the original film helps build a substantial amount of tension for that first hour… and when the rape scene comes it makes for VERY uneasy watching.

It’s clear in Monroe’s version of events that Sarah Butler’s Jennifer does absolutely nothing that would lead any of her rapists on, other than be an attractive woman in a hick town full of slimy redneck scumbags – a tact that plays much better than Zarchi’s version of events which portrayed Jennifer as leading the men on somewhat. On the one hand Monroe’s version of events helps (for want of a better word) to make the rape even more uncomfortable and on the other it allows the events of the second half of the film to feel more “justified” – it’s a superb piece of audience manipulation and one that really works.

But whilst the first half of I Spit On Your Grave is a very grim experience, the second half is almost the exact opposite, it’s almost playful-like, and relishes in the torture and death we’re presented with on screen. Which in my opinion raises a lot of questions about just how audiences will react to the movie. Yes, there’s some incredibly inventive deaths that will most definitely please the even the most jaded of horror fan, but should we really be taking delight in the vengeance? Playing on the very American concept of a righteous “eye for an eye” sense of justice, at some point during the proceedings I’m sure that some audience members will have a moment of self-realisation – as I did – and just wonder why you find yourself cheering so much at the rapists demise.

This thin line of moral ambiguity in I Spit On Your Grave is not helped by the films subtle final scene either, which sees Jennifer merely smirk at the camera. A smirk which either signifies a pleasure in her actions – bringing into doubt the notions of justice and instead making us question the idea of taking delight in death; or it’s merely a sign of a insane mad-woman, which given the circumstances would not surprise…

Stars: Gemma Atkinson, Isabella Calthorpe, Tom Felton, Joshua Bowman, Peter Gaddiot | Written by Adam Phillips | Directed by Jonathan Glendening

Sarah Tyler returns to her troubled family home in the isolated countryside, for a much put-off visit from Los Angeles. The rundown stately pile isn’t so much a money pit as a financial abyss though and the massive cost of the ongoing renovations has caused much distanced friction between Sarah’s parents. But as a storm rages outside, Sarah, her family and friends leave all their problems at the door and shore up for the night, cut off from the outside world. But something is about to come out of the driving rain and darkness. Something that needs to kill and is looking for human prey amongst the distressed and trapped group of people scared out of their wits in the vast darkness. Something that holds a terrifying secret so devastating that, in one night, it could wipe out the entire Tyler bloodline.

I’ll admit, when I sat down to watch 13Hrs I didn’t hold out much hope – I thought “yeah, yeah, another British horror movie, and a werewolf one at that”. The idea seemed a little bit played out. But I’m happy to say that, like F, I found myself surprised by how much I enjoyed the film.

Fair enough, there’s nothing new in 13Hrs, as it borrows heavily from other werewolf movies of its ilk. But that doesn”t matter, director Jonathan Glendening managed to keep the film moving at such as pace that there was never any time to get bored – which is often the case with films as derivative as this. Sadly, anyone who’s seen a werewolf movie could probably guess what was going to happen throughout the film, and even the denoument was heavily sign posted, with a twist that is starting to get old fast – hell they even used the idea on Buffy!

The film was definitely helped a lot by the cast – lead actress Isabella Calthorpe is the glue of the film, holding the audiences attention enough throughout. Whilst former Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson does her usual thing – with a death that needs to be seen to be believed! Top billed Tom Felton (from the Harry Potter movies) isn’t in the film long, with what is in essence an extended cameo. Also cameoing was former Manimal Simon McCorkindale, but I can forgive his all too brief appearance as it’s always good to see him on the big screen.

Whilst 13Hrs is nothing new, it is a fun, undemanding horror flick that – if you like werewolf movies – is definitely worth checking out when it hits DVD on October 25th.

Stars: Scoot McNairy, Whitney Able | Written and Directed by Gareth Edwards

Six years ago, a NASA probe landed back in the New Mexico desert containing samples of alien life – which promptly grew, proliferated and turned the southern US and north of Mexico into an alien-occupied zone. Now, a US journalist agrees to escort an American tourist back through the no-man’s land to safety.

Screening as part of the London Film4 FrightFest, Monsters was considered by many to be THE hot ticket film, with the movie selling out even before the festival had begun – between reviews coming out of EIFF and other international festivals, the buzz was fantastic. But after seeing Monsters, I find myself wondering if I’d seen the same movie!

Forget what you’ve seen in the posters and in the trailer, Monsters is NOT a monster movie in any way, shape, or form. It does qualify as science fiction, but in reality the movie a romantic love-story disguised in the skin of sci-fi – a skin which consists of monstrous giant space squids. And thats it. I found myself truly dumbfounded at what I had seen on the screen. The film consists mainly of an extended, monotonous, travelogue – the style of which harkens back to the days of low-budget Italian horror cinema when you would have to sit through 80 minutes of jungle footage to see 10 minutes of gore – well that’s essentially what happens in Monsters, only minus any real payoff, unless of course you’re looking for a chick-flick, and then you get all the payoff your heart desires.

However, this genre-bending central conceit is not the worst crime committed by Monsters, oh no. That would lie squarely at the feet of director Gareth Edwards, who commits the ultimate sin – treating his audience with disrespect…

Monsters begins its story at the end of the tale, with an opening sequence that reveals just what happens to our two protagonists before we have even been introduced to them within the film; it’s as if Gareth Edwards thinks audiences are too dumb to realise what they have seen! And, case in point, in his post-screening Q&A Edwards even admitted as much, revealing that “in case you hadn’t realised the end is the beginning” – well yes Gareth, we did notice and we weren’t dumb enough to be entranced by your rather ridiculous giant squid during said sequence, some of us do pay attention – attention enough to see just what type of relationship the protagonists have at the “end” and attention enough to realise what happens to them.

A frustrating, deceitful film that treats its audience as idiots and fails to deliver any real heartfelt story, Monsters for me is just an all-round failure of the dullest kind. Worst of all? It’s been done before, and MUCH better, on US television.

Stars: Erika Christensen, Jesse Metcalfe, Bill Moseley, Fulvio Cecere | Written by Marek Posival | Directed by Robert Lieberman

Devastated by the kidnap and murder of their young son, Elise (Christensen) and her husband Craig (Metcalfe) are further distressed when the man accused of the crime is set free prematurely. Deciding the criminal justice system has failed them by not adequately punishing the monster responsible for all their pain, they seize on a chance to wreak the ultimate revenge by kidnapping the killer and holding him hostage in the basement of a remote country house, where they intend to inflict the same pain and torture upon him as the believe he inflicted upon their son. Elise and Craig are firm in their belief that this ‘eye for an eye’ vengeance is not only justified, but will also heal their own mental wounds. But how far they are prepared to go before ‘justice is served’ remains to be seen.

The Tortured comes from Twisted Pictures, the folks behind the Saw series, and its clear to see the heavy influence that franchise has had on this film – in fact Saw director Darren Lynn Bousman is thanked in the credits!

Sitting firmly in the category of torture porn, the scenes of torture and mutilation are the films only real selling point. The acting, from leads Erika Christensen and Jesse Metcalfe is nothing outstanding, and Bill Moseley, as the kidnapper, is only allowed to let loose at the beginning of the movie – so his performance feels a little stunted (he still acts Christensen and Metcalfe off the screen though). But you don’t watch a film like The Tortured for the acting or the story, this really is for fans of gore – and it seems a case of the more extreme the better for this film.

Now despite all the “fun” to be had from watching someone get tortured on screen I couldn’t help notice the films twist ending slapping me in the face the instant the torture began – for true horror fans, and maybe even the more observant viewers among you, it should be easy to see where the film is headed. But perhaps that’s part of the pleasure of watching The Tortured? Knowing something that the characters in the film don’t…

In all honesty, The Tortured is the type of film that will probably only appeal to the more hardened horror fan, one that lives(?) for the gore, and that may be the films major flaw – I can’t see it having much appeal for the more casual fan, even the die-hard Jesse Metcalfe fans! And even as such as a gorehound I did find myself questioning the decision to have an extremely gory dream sequence from the point of view of the “torturee”.

E1 Entertainment will release The Tortured on UK DVD on October 18th

Stars: David Schofield, Eliza Bennett, Ruth Gemmell, Juliet Aubrey, Finlay Robertson, Roxanne McKee | Written and Directed by Johannes Roberts

Take one part Assault on Precinct 13 (or even Rio Bravo), add a dash of “hoodie horror”, and a ripped from the headlines “teachers not safe in schools”, then add a score that screams John Carpenter with a hint of Goblin and you have F.

Viciously attacked by a pupil in the past English teacher Robert Anderson was devastated when the governing board refused to back his lawsuit to avoid bad publicity and scandal. Now a burned-out, world-weary alcoholic trying to reconnect with his daughter, Anderson must finally face his most terrifying demons. For the school comes under relentless attack from a faceless threat intent on causing maximum mayhem. Alone Anderson must battle brutal bloodthirsty killers, and his deepest fears, in a desperate battle for the survival of those he holds most dear.

A somewhat reactionary tale that plays on the middle-class fear of hoodie wearing thugs and the tabloid sensationalism of violence in schools, F is a more assured and solid film than director Johannes Roberts previous outings, helped in part by a superb cast led by David Schofield, who is finally given a leading man role, ablely demonstrating why he should be given more. His portrayal of teacher Richard Anderson is superb, running the gamut of emotion: first as a terrified teacher, then a drunk teacher and then merely father on a mission to keep his daughter safe, Schofield’s performance is mesmerising. It’s not all down to Schofield however, Eliza Bennett gives a fantastic understated performance as Anderson’s rebellious daughter, and actor Finlay Robertson almost steals the movie as the inept security guard, providing the films necessary comic relief.

Where F really shines is in two key, and related elements – the villains, and the score. The films faceless hoodie wearing thugs seem to glide, climb and move in what can only be described as an eerie, ghost-like fashion, something that I don’t think that we’ve seen in films before – at least I haven’t.  But it’s another Carpenter-inspired element that REALLY made F for me. The music. Taking a cue from Carpenter’s synth work in the 80’s on films such as Escape From New York and the aforementioned Assault on Precinct 13, the appearance of the films hoodie-wearing killers is accompanied by a superb mix of synth rifts and a spooky choral singing that wouldn’t be out of place in a Goblin score. It’s very haunting and very effective, playing up the somewhat supernatural feel of the movies villains.

Gore fans are well catered for, with some delightfully gruesome facial demolition(s) courtesy of the films hoodie wearing killers. Although F is not a film that dwells on the grue, instead using it to shock and horrify – as all good horror films should. And whilst F never quite reaches the lofty heights of Assault on Precinct 13, it does give it a damn good try, and for me is one of the best British horror films I’ve seen in a long time.

Stars: Zoe Tuckwell-Smith, Krew Boylan, Lindsay Farris, Rebekah Foord, Damien Freeleagus, Wil Traval | Written by Josh Reed & Nigel Christensen | Directed by Josh Reed

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the outback, along comes Primal, another bloody slice of modern Ozploitation hat begins 12,000 years ago when a caveman tried to communicate via cave-painting with the presence of an unknown entity only to be devoured by the primordial evil.

Cut to today, as six friends on a field trip to find the paintings, set up camp in the same remote outback location, a decision they come to regret when sexy, slutty Mel takes a dip in a nearby waterhole,and becomes infected, with something evil, something feral, something primal. Regressing to a predatory state, it soon becomes friend against friend as the campers are picked off one by one – if not dying, becoming the same feral beast as Mel…

Playing on the ideas of aboriginal myths and legends about a primordial earth force, it’s a (not quite) perfect example of Ozploitation, wearing both it’s Australian heritage and it horror leanings on it’s sleeve for all to see – and is again an example of strong women in cinema, in a very similar fashion to that seen in Neil Marshall’s The Descent. It’s also interesting to note that the sexual stereotypes in Primal are reversed somewhat – we have one male character who’s constantly getting his top off, and another who believes his girlfriend can be returned to normality through his love – both traits which are more common in female horror characters rather than male!

The makeup FX in Primal are kept to a minimum, characters merely lose their teeth, only for them to be replaced by a mouth full of fangs – very much in the same vein as Lamberto Bava’s Demons. Besides it’s fair share of more horrific and gory moments, there is also some frankly hilarious humour to be found in Primal – including a mutant killer bunny rabbit, and a really rather stupid scene of drawing straws to see just who kill one of Mel’s victims before they turn feral – whether this humour is intentional (more than likely) or not, it does offer some light-hearted moments amongst all the terror.

Primal shows just what you can do on a low budget with some imagination and a cast of willing actors – and whilst it won’t recieve the type of praise lavished on other neo-Ozploitation flicks such as Wolf Creek, it’s definitely worth tracking down and marks director Josh Reed as one to watch.

Stars: Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Tom Holland | Written and Directed by Adam Green

Hatchet II picks up right where the original film left off – only this time it’s Danielle Harris playing Marybeth, with all the gusto and heart that is  befitting one of horrors true unsung scream queens – Marybeth has escaped the clutches of the vicious Victor Crowley, only to learn the true horror of her connection to the hatchet faced psycho courtesy of Tony Todd’s Reverend Zombie. Teaming up with Zombie and a handful of hunters and poachers, Marybeth heads back into the swamp to retrieve the bodies of her now-departed family and face off against Victor Crowley to take him down once and for all. Only the good Reverend has a slightly different plan…

Ah Hatchet II, where have you been all my life? THIS is what slasher movies are all about! Capturing the same spirit, tone, vibe, whatever you want to call it, as the classic old-school slasher movies of the early 80’s, this film is what I consider a perfect slasher movie. Taking everything that made the genre great in it’s heyday and upping it all to eleven, Hatchet II features gore-galore, some truly gruesome – yet ridiculously funny – deaths and mixes it all up with a rock n roll, take no prisoners, attitude.

The cast is uniformally superb – from the diminutive Danielle Harris in a role that calls for her run the gamut of emotion – sadness, anger, tearful, terrified, to eventually butt-kickingly furious – showing her true versatility as an actress; the scene-stealing (and almost movie stealing) Tony Todd as the Reverend Zombie – a role that Todd cameoed in during the original Hatchet, which is duly expanded to feature length for the sequel; Fright Night director Tom Holland as Marybeth’s Uncle Bob; TCM 3 actor R.A. Mihailoff as hunter Trent Graves; to Kane Hodder who, as usual, steals the show as both the monstrous Victor Crowley, and Mr. Crowley, father to our hatchet-faced killer; there’s not one bad performance in the film..

Well, except for the guy who appears post opening credits throwing up on the sidewalk. That has to be the worst puke acting I’ve ever seen! The guy should stick to what he does best – directing. Yes amongst the films numerous cameos – including John Carl Buechler, Rick McCallum and Lloyd Kaufman, director Adam Green puts in a brief blink and you’ll miss him appearance!

Watching Hatchet II I couldn’t help but feel that the film is both a love-letter to slasher movies, and the horror genre in general. But the film also a huge fuck you to detractors of the genre, with every death scene going that little bit further than you’d expect, almost challenging the MPAA, BBFC or whomever to say no. If you look back at slasher movies of the past, they would often chicken out of going that extra distance, with cutaways and scene changes just when you thought they were going to get to the good stuff. Hatchet II doesn’t. It goes that far. In all it’s gory glory… And the bonus? All the effects are PRACTICAL – and in this day and age that’s a rarity, and one that’s refreshing to see. I for one applaud Green’s choice to go practical and take my hat off to Robert Pendergraft and his crew for creating such gloriously OTT deaths.

So, Hatchet II. For me it was 90 minutes of pure heaven and the perfect start to 2010’s London Film4 FrightFest… To shamefully pinch the tagline from the original movie, THIS truly is old-school American horror.

Now that we’re into the latter half of the second season of Warehouse 13, we get somewhat of a recess episode, so to speak. Not too much was advanced with the main story arc this season in the eighth episode of the year but it was definitely a fun ride and an interesting one to say the least.

Pete and Myka start off the episode, per usual, in the middle of a mission and end up grabbing an artifact in the form of a Griffin statuette, and then have the weekend off where Myka heads to a high school reunion while Pete stays in town to spend some time with Kelly. Neither know the aforementioned artifact has had an effect on the both of them, in multiple body swapping incidents before the episode is over.

Artie and Claudia spend their time, going on a mission in the field, heading to Hartford, Connecticut, to investigate a woman somehow coercing health clinic executives into giving up money. This makes the second episode in a row where Claudia gets some work outside of the warehouse.

On a final note we have quick appearance by Leena and it would seem HG Wells is set to return in the next episode. Fun episode overall.

The Sony Ericcson Zylo is the latest in Sony’s long line of Walkman phones. With a 2.6-inch QVGA (240 x 320) screen, a 3.2-megapixel camera, Sony’s PlayNow download service and YouTube integration, this phone is a media-philes dream. The phone also features HSPA 3G mobile internet and bluetooth, but sadly no Wi-Fi; and like many a smartphone, the Zylo features threaded SMS and a built in email client.

The first thing that struck me after taking the Zylo out of the box was just how nice it felt in my hand. The ergonomic engineers must have been working overtime on this model, with the back contoured perfectly to fit into my (admittedly large) hands. The majority of the front of the phone is given over to the screen, and beneath that lie the call and hang-up buttons and a large multi-function select/play/pause button which feels satisfying to the touch. Below that is a cancel button and the often-found-on-Walkman-phones shortcut key. Sliding the phone up reveals the keyboard with a strong satisfying click. A click which is matched by the click of the keys – which unlike other slide phones are slightly curved upwards which certainly aids texting speeds and typing in general on the Zylo. The sides of the phone house the traditional Sony Ericsson connector port and volume controls – along with a button the doubles up as quick access to the phones Walkman functions and the shutter button in camera mode.

Software-wise the Zylo runs a slightly modified version of Sony Ericsson’s usual Walkman phone software – with the new addition of widgets on the home screen for Twitter, Facebook, Media and more… If you’ve ever used a Sony Ericsson phone during the last 5 years you’ll know EXACTLY what to expect from the rest of the phones interface, it’s very much a case of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”.

Call quality is up to the usual mid-range phone quality, it’s nothing special but nothing to complain about either. The only disappointing aspect of of making calls on the Zylo is that the phone doesn’t hang up when you close the slider! That’s one to watch out for if you don’t want to be inundated with huge phone bills. Again, SMS on the phone is a case of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” – only Sony Ericsson have fixed it, and done so in a way that updates the interface to allow easy access to Facebook updates and as mentioned previously adds the now-typical threaded conversations.

Whilst there’s a lot to praise about the Sony Ericsson Zylo, there are some flaws – mobile internet is typically disappointing on such a small screen even with the new Smart-Fit function; and the camera is a measly 3.2 megapixels, with pretty poor video recording quality – even compared to other phones that record at the same 640 x 480 resolution. But really the Zylo is all about the media… and with an interface that takes its lead from Sony’s XMB found on other Sony products such as the PS3 and PSP, you can easily access photos, music, videos, games and even RSS feeds all from one handy place.

Overall, the Sony Ericsson Zylo is a feature-packed mid-range phone that is hard to fault for the price. It’s just a shame that despite this being a Walkman phone Sony Ericsson didn’t see fit to include a MicroSD card or USB transfer cable in the box.

Stars the voices of: Seth Green, Breckin Meyer, Rachel Leigh Cook, Eden Espinosa, Dan Milano, Billy Dee Williams | Written by Tom Root, Matthew Senreich, Geoff Johns, Zeb Wells | Directed by Chris McKay

When a once peaceful solar system is threatened by a genocidal madman, Titan Force Five commanding the mighty Titan Maximum are humanity’s only hope for survival. It’s robo-bashing, laser-blasting, monkey-flying, sometimes naked space-faring action and adventure from the creators of Emmy-award winning Robot Chicken.

Fresh off the success of Robot Chicken, Seth Green and co. tackle an altogether less anarchic series – using the same stop-motion animation that made their first series such a hit – in what turns out to be a comedic take on the classic 80’s cartoon Voltron, if Voltron was rated 18 and not PG!

Titan Maximum essentially blends the same humour found in Robot Chicken but with more action and more story, and whilst that’s what seperates it from that series, it’s also Titan Maximum’s biggest downfall – adding more action and story is at the detriment to the humour. What the series does have over its predecessor is characterisation; and the voice cast do a damn fine job as usual – even if the best character in show is a mute monkey space pilot named Leon!

Don’t get me wrong there are some laugh out loud moments in the shows first season but they are few and far between. And whilst Titan Maximum is ultimately a good show, there’s just that certain something missing from the proceedings that would have made it great…

Revolver Entertainment will release Titan Maximum – Season 1 on UK DVD on August 30th.

Stars the voices of: Seth Green, Matthew Senreich, Breckin Meyer, Dan Milano, Tom Root and many more | Created by Mike Fasolo, Seth Green, Matthew Senreich

Now in it’s fourth year, Adult Swim’s Robot Chicken keeps going from strength to strength. The brainchild of actor Seth Green, the show is twelve minutes of geek heaven – twelve minutes that feels like three and forever leaves you wanting more. A mixture of old school stop motion animation and new-school pop culture in jokes, the show takes pot-shots at movie franchises, characters, actors and icons of popular culture from every decade – even the most well-known of icons. Like Santa.

The targets of the show reads like a who’s who of geekdom - M.A.S.K., Batman (both of Nolan’s movies), Ranma, Star Trek: The Next Generation (in particular Wil Wheaton), Watchmen, Indiana Jones, Super Mario, G.I. Joe and much more, many many more in fact.

This fourth season of Robot Chicken may contain, in my opinion, two of the greatest comedy sketches ever created: the opening sketch from The Robot Chicken Full-Assed Christmas Special; which sees Santa confront Jaden, a young boy who’s made the naughty list. Just how Santa “repays” Jaden for his naughty behaviour had me rolling around in stitches. The second sketch? Well lets just say it involves the proposed Dark Crystal sequel, Cristal champagne and rapping by Jen, aka MC Gelfling – you really have to see it to believe it!

And whilst some may see the brevity of Robot Chicken as a downside, it also works in the shows favour – you don’t like a sketch? There’ll be a new one along in about a minute. Gag after gag after gag, like an anarchic machine gun of comedy, perfectly suited to today’s instant gratification culture. If you’re reading this site then know this show is for you… Plus what’s not to love about a show that features so many classic toys from the 80’s acting like you’ve NEVER seen them act before?

The DVD contains all 20 original episodes from the hit show plus the following bonus features:

• Commentary on all 20 Episodes
• Chicken Nuggets
• San Diego Comic-Con ‘08 Panel
• Day in the Life
• Video Blogs
• New York Comic Con ‘09 Panel
• Australia Visit
• Alternate Audio
• Deleted Scenes
• Deleted Animatics

Robot Chicken – Season 4 is released on DVD on August 30th, courtesy of Revolver Entertainment.

More romantic pairings than you can shake a stick at this time around! Here is my review of this week’s Warehouse 13!

The Plot: 7 out of 10
All in all, This episode was pure fluff. Containing very little to propel the main story arch further, the story mainly focuses on mid-season character development. This is in no way a bad thing, but I was hoping for something more. One of the high-points in the episode is the dynamic between the characters “Pete” and “Artie”, the two characters finally get some inter-character development which makes “Artie” seem much more approachable to the viewers. Writers also took this mid-season opportunity to start a long-in-coming love interest (namely Pete and the antagonistic veterinarian) and introduce a totally new love interest for Artie. All in all, this episode was created solely to start building the framework for the upcoming Season Finale – a task which it fulfilled quite well.

The Acting: 9.8 out of 10
Even though the plot sometimes suffers in episodes like these, the upside is that the acting is almost always better. Joanne Kelly took the lead in this episode with ease, proving that she’s not just ‘Ying’ to Eddie McClintock’s ‘Yang’. Although actress Allison Scagliotti got some serious screen time in the episode as ‘Myka‘s Apprentice‘, I didn’t see anything in her performance that really stood out like in episodes past. Saul Rubinek delivered as he always seems to do making me wonder if this show could even exist without him. Eddie McClintock’s performance stole the show this time around displaying even more outlandishly “Eddie” moments, his humor definitely drove the show.

The Sets & Locations: 7 out of 10
The locations set outside of the warehouse were all perfectly adequate. When the episode’s story mainly takes place in a school, and you shoot the episode in a real school, it’s hard to say the sets weren’t realistic. Despite the accuracy, the episode lacked any interesting locales the series has been known for.

The Music: 10 out of 10
I admit, I have been slightly disappointed with the musical variety in previous reviews. Thankfully, “For the Team” has a decent track at the end of the episode that really worked well with the closing scene.

The CG: 8 out of 10
Without saying too much to spoil the plot for those who have yet to see the episode, the CG the plot revolved around was well done this time around. Proper execution earns this episode a solid score of eight.

Overall Score: 8.3 out of 10
Despite the episode’s lack of story progression, it was very enjoyable and quite funny at points. “For the Team” is a solid episode of Warehouse 13 that should entertain fans of the show and newcomers alike.

Stars: Michael Matthias, Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen, Armand Assante, DMX | Written by Lance Lane | Directed by Charlie Picerni

Shawn Black (Matthias) is an ex-army ranger returning home after fighting for his country. When a sect of vampires attack his family home, they kill his parents, burn down his house and leave him for dead. Surrounded by carnage, slaughter and total mayhem Black takes the fight to the Vampire hordes in a desperate race to save the world from pure evil.

The film, which comes from one of the producers of Rambo and Righteous Kill, is in the same vain as the original Rambo movie – war hero returns from battle to face another war at home. Only this war is against vampires! Yes you’ve guessed it, The Bleeding is Buffy for blokes (although wasn’t Buffy really aimed at fellas?) – with the unwitting vampire slayer played by newcomer Michael Matthias, and head vampire played by a pimped-out Vinnie Jones doing his worst vampire impression ever!

Director Charlie Picerni is best know as a stunt director and it shows in The Bleeding, the film is jam-packed with stunt after stunt after stunt, all of which are SUPERB. It’s just a shame the script and the acting isn’t up to par. Whilst the veteran actors – Michael Madsen and Armand Assante – bring a wealth of experience to their performances, chewing up their lines and spitting them out with a knowing nod to the audience (whilst still acting everyone off the screen), the same cannot be said of the rest of the cast.

DMX plays DMX yet again, with his usual not-really-a-performance wooden acting style not helping to convince ANYONE that he is a hardened vampire slayer and Vinnie Jones… What the hell were you thinking, Vinnie? His evil vampire leader Cain (who is also the reincarnated brother of our hero Shawn Black) is a weird mix of cheesy vampire and 70’s pimp icon, replete with huge fur coat and fedora! Tattooist turned TV ’star’ Kat Von D appears as a cohort-come-concubine of Jones’ vampire, and its obvious she only got the role in exchange for using her L.A. tattoo parlour as one of the films key locations. Or at least I hope that’s the case – surely it can’t be because of her ‘acting’?

On the press materials for The Bleeding, newcomer Michael Matthias (as the films hero Shawn Black) is dubbed the next big action star. I can see why, he equips himself well in the role and he’ll probably have a pretty successful DTV career, but he’ll need better scripts than this if he’s to make it to the big screen however. His role in the film is severely hampered by the clunky script, nowhere moreso than the voiceover he provides – to me it felt like the filmmakers were going for a film noir style, but instead ended up with an exposition-heavy voiceover instead…

Whilst there are a lot of issues with acting and script, The Bleeding is still a solid direct to DVD action movie, no doubt due to director Picerni’s years of experience in stunt directing; and if you can forgive – and overlook – it’s faults (including the frankly ridiculous scene of Vinnie Jones’ vampire driving a Lamborghini in a chase scene – don’t vamps fly anymore?) you’ll enjoy the film a lot. Worth a rental at least.

The Bleeding is released on DVD via Momentum on September 6th

Stars: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor | Written by Kurt Wimmer | Directed by Philip Noyce

Until recently, my only expose to director Philip Noyce was his excellent Rabbit Proof Fence (2002) which, if you haven’t seen it, is a beautifully crafted movie telling the tale of two aboriginal sisters that go to extreme lengths to avoid being “saved them from themselves.” as they are forced to become inherently Western.  It truly is a stunning film and i had the pleasure of writing my dissertation on it.

Enthused by this movie I have since checked out Noyce’s other directorial efforts that include Patriot Games (1992), which was enjoyable and The Saint (1997) that quite honestly…  blows. I am pleased to report, however, that after a rather silent spell, the Australian director is back with a vengeance. This time, however, he’s packing heat in the formidable form of Angelina Jolie.

It is very rare that I can lose myself in a movie without slipping on the critic helmet and over-thinking the action on screen, so it was a pleasure just to lose myself in the moment and take Salt for what it is; a summer thriller with a phenomenal movie star. The premise behind Salt is that Angelina Jolie is  a super dedicated CIA officer by the name of Evelyn Salt, who is accused by a walk-in defector of being a Russian spy. With each attempt Salt makes to prove her innocence, her mentor, Agent Winter (Schreiber), only grows more suspicious of her true motivations. The longer she eludes capture by ambitious Agent Peabody (Ejiofor), the higher the stakes get and ultimately the more sh*t she needs to deal with.

In short, you will enjoy this movie. It sets out to make you think and give your brain a quick jog around the cinematic park. However, this is simply not the case. Don’t start twitching and getting nervous as you begin to question Salt’s dedication to her cause. Everything will be explained, all in good time. Is she good or is she bad? Thankfully there’s no a straightforward answer and far be it from me to reveal any more details surrounding the plot line, but rest assured it will certainly have you munching through your popcorn trough bag, with heightened anticipation, as the plot sways around like a drunken badger.  There are some extremely well crafted action sequences involving Salt jumping to and from speeding trucks on the highway and walking away with nothing more than a slight cut. Jolie apparently put herself through a heavy training regime to nail some of the stunts herself. Good for her because some of the fight sequences, the one at the end is particularly physical and Noyce doesn’t hold back from showing you the violence in all its glory. The beauty of the movie is of course in the fact that Noyce knows what a valuable asset Jolie is and allows her to gobble down the screen time like Jack Black at an all you can eat buffet. I found myself really noticing when she wasn’t on screen.

I didn’t feel that Liev Schreiber added much to the film other than his angry face, which worked out well in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), but perhaps he could have stretched himself a little more here. I really rate Chiwetel Ejiofor, but he is little more than an extension of his role as ‘The Operative’ in Serenity (2005). Shame. The real draw, obviously, is Jolie and despite not having a clue what might be going on within the narrative you can take satisfaction every time she gives the camera that dangerously smoky look she has become world famous for.  To quote my friend Emily, “She is the only woman that would turn me lesbian”. I completely understand.

It’s a welcome return to form for Noyce and should compete well amongst the other summer blockbusters such as The A-Team, and The Expendables. If the crowd at the UK Premiere was anything to go by, then this should blow the competition out of the water.  You may find the ending a little annoying, but just know that there would have been no other way to end it. Unfortunately If I write any more I may find myself giving away plot details and I’d be in danger of a drive by super-soaking.

It’s a strong movie, but by no means an Inception. Thank god they substituted Tom Cruise for Angelina Jolie or his review could have been entirely different…

You are a celestrian fallen from the observatory. The observatory is home to Yggdrasil, the great world tree. In order to bring about the blooming of the fyggs, the Celestrians have long gathered the crystallized gratitude of their mortal charges and offered it up Yggdrasil, according to legend when the sacred fyggs finally blossom on Yggdrasil’s a golden train will arrive to transport the Celestrians to the realm of the almighty. There’s a twist and evil reigns and the Fyggs fall to world below along with yourself and removes your halo and wings. On this epic adventure, set in a wide world unlike no other where you can roam amongst man and beast.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Dragon Quest IX is a traditional RPG with a modern twist, some innovative gameplay mechanics and gorgeous graphics – especially for the Nintendo DS. The game allows you to have up to 4 members in your team – you can use the pre made ones or create members yourself, selecting their gender, build, hairstyle, hair and eye colour and the profession of your character (warrior, priest, mage, martial artist, thief and minstrel) and once you have built your character you can then buy outfits and weapons.

I’ve currently spent just under 30 hours on this game and so far I’m REALLY enjoying it – finishing tasks and main quests, building my characters up by defeating monsters, gaining battle experience to be a unstoppable team. Dragon Quest IX is not all about action though, this game also has a very funny side, the highlight of which is when one of your team members die they follow you around in a coffin until they are resurrected by a priest in a church!

Stars: Riz Ahmed, Kayvan Novak, Nigel Lindsay, Adeel Akhtar | Written by Jesse Armstrong, Sam Bain | Directed by Chris Morris

In a British city, four men have a secret plan. Omar (Ahmed) is disillusioned about the treatment of Muslims around the world and is determined to become a soldier. This is the most exciting idea Waj (Novak) has ever heard. Better still it’s a no brainer because Omar does his thinking for him.

Opposed to Omar and everyone else on earth is the white Islamic convert Barry (Lindsay).  He’d realize he joined the cell to channel his nihilism – If he had half the self knowledge of a duck. Faisal (Akhtar) is the odd man out. He can make a bomb – but he can’t blow himself up just now coz his sick dad has “started eating newspaper”. Instead he’s training crows to fly bombs through windows.  This is what Omar has to deal with. They must strike a decisive blow on their own turf but can any of them strike a match without punching themselves in the face?

Where to start with Four Lions? Well, knowing the film comes from Chris Morris – the genius behind Brass Eye and The Day Today, and hearing the general good buzz for the film, I was excited to see this farcial terrorist comedy. Even more so when I saw the hilarious trailer for the film… But, like many a film, once I started watching the DVD I sadly realised all the best bits were in the trailer!

There are some laugh out loud moments in Four Lions, especially towards the end of the film, but with Morris behind the camera I expected much more. Where’s the dark clever, un-PC humour that Morris is widely known for? Here it’s replaced by a meandering plot and general bufoonery. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some scathing commentary on societies prejudices (from both sides), but it’s few and far between, buried somewhere amongst the jokes about baked beans.

But I will admit there has to something to a film that gets laughs out of people blowing up accidentally, but when the biggest laugh comes during the credits you know there’s a problem…

Dubbed “The Official History of the War For Cybertron”, Transformers: Exodus both a tie-in to the just released Activision game Transformers: War For Cybertron and a prequel to the entire Transformers saga, taking place before Megatron and Optimus Prime ever went to war…

For twenty-five years the colossal battle between Megatron and Optimus Prime has captivated Transformers fans around the world. Yet the full story of the conflict between the two most famous Transformers – everything that happened before Optimus and Megatron arrived on planet Earth – has always been a mystery… until now.

In Transformers Exodus, writer Alex Irvine has crafted a story of revolution and the rise of a hero, and whilst I’ve never been a hardcore Transformers fan, I do have a lot of love for the characters I grew up with (and a rather expansive collection of Optimus Prime toys!); and as a more of a casual fan I was worried that the book would be too heavy-going for me, and I was right.

Sort of.

Building on the original mythos of the Transformers cartoon and comics, Transformers Exodus presents a story that many casual fans may not be aware of – the meek origins of Orion Pax (who later adopts the name Optimus Prime, and we all know how that turns out! ) and his “feud” with Megatron. For many it will be an unfamiliar tale – the Megatron we all know from the cartoons and more recently Michael Bay’s cinematic vision of the larger than life robots, doesn’t start out evil. In fact his origins are like that of Russell Crowe’s character in Gladiator, fighting for his freedom in in robot arenas before becoming so popular that he leads a revolution against the Cybertronian caste system.

There’s a lot of cool ideas in Transformers Exodus, but I found they were hampered somewhat by the  heavy going prose – between the convoluted names of the characters and the Cybertronian place names, the book sometimes felt like reading a science text book! Despite this, fans – both casual and hardcore – will find someting to enjoy in this book, and for those of you out there playing Transformers: War For Cybertron, then Transformers Exodus is a must-read.

Transformers Exodus is out now from Titan Books. You can order it here.

To tie-in with the highly anticipated new movie Tron: Legacy, the folks at Disney have released a brand new Tron app for the iPhone and iPod touch.

Like many movie-related apps, the Tron app features the trailer for the movie, along with a trailer for the Tron: Evolution video game – a trailer which I had not already seen, where have Disney been hiding that one? There’s also further information on the game, along with screenshots and the ability to pre-order Tron: Evolution straight from your iPhone. But the compelling reason to download Disney’s Tron app is the included Tanks arcade game…

A re-imagining of the classic Tron Battle Tanks game of the 80’s (which was recently itself revamped as an online Flash game), Tanks is a top down dual stick shooter featuring both single player action and a superb online multiplayer mode. The single player campaign is 15 levels of tank battling action in which you must defeat your enemies before entering the portal to the next level. It’s a simple game mechanic, but one that works brilliantly. The controls are simple too, there’s one on-screen stick to move your tank and one to move your tanks gun – and both work independently of each other allowing for a full range of (defensive) motion.

Whilst the single player campaign seems simple, in reality is is mere preperation for the real challenge in the Tanks arcade game – the online multiplayer mode. Players have the choice of taking part in 2, 4, or 6 player deathmatches. But unlike other online deathmatch games, you must choose from a blue, green, or red faction, and team up with other players of the same faction to accumulate kills and further your faction’s progress.

With brilliantly simple gameplay, great controls and superb graphics that scream Tron, there’s a lot to love about this iPhone app. But the best part about this app? The price! The Tron app is completely free and available to download right now from the App Store.